20 years ago I had my first baby. She was a surprise but I was so young. I had so much help from my parents. I realize now that if they weren't around, I don't know what I would've done, especially having to pay for everything.
I was then married and right after I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had wanted another baby but at the moment we had to put it on hold. I had one half of my thyroid removed and then the following year had the other half removed. Years passed, we tried for a baby and then I had my routine scan and it lit up in my neck, turns out I still had cancer tissue. So I had to have radioactive iodine treatment, this meant we had to put of trying for a baby for a year. I then had 2 more surgeries removing lymph nodes. After that we tried some more and nothing was happening. I thought it was me. This lead to insecurities in me. I really beat myself up. The whole time I was married it was falling apart. I was cheated on when I was first diagnosed with cancer. During this time I was dealing with depression so I gave him a chance. I then got checked to see if I was able to have a baby and I got the okay. The dr told me I was perfectly healthy and was ovulating normally, this made me feel so good and I was excited. Then time passed and I started noticing signs that this was happening again. I tried to ignore it but finally got the answers I needed. He was having an affair and was waiting for our daughter to finish high school before he left me.
This was another big hit to my self esteem. I went through depression again. This time was probably the worse than when I was diagnosed with cancer. As soon as I found out about the affair I filed for divorce. I was not going to allow my daughter to see that it is okay for a man to treat her like he did to me. It was a very hard process and at times I didn't think I was going to make it through. I was 35 years old, not getting any younger and I always wanted another baby and at the time I didnt think anyone would want me.
I decided I was not going to stay depressed because I had a daughter who needed me. We went on a trip to New York City to visit colleges. It was one of the best trips. We got away from the drama and got to spend time together.
Back home things started changing, after going through financial difficulties because my ex left me with nothing, and would promise to pay some Bill's, I realized that was a lie too when we got home and we had no electricity in the house in the middle of summer and he could care less. We went through a very hard time.
Then I started to realize that things were changing. I got a new job and it was in pharmaceutical research. I was so excited. The BEST news was when the doctor told me that there was no evidence of disease, my thyroid cancer was GONE!!!! I had lost 50 pounds by exercising and I was feeling great about myself now. I had also met someone. I decided I needed to take it slow. I felt like this person was too good to be true. He knew that I was going thru a divorce, I mean what kind of person would want to talk to someone dealing with a divorce and had a daughter in high school?! I was dealing with so much drama from the divorce and he would let me vent and listen to me. He would text me to see how I was doing, he would always show me he was interested in me. Our chemistry was so great. Was he too good to be true? No, he was just the opposite of what I was used to. I thought relationships were supposed to be like the marriage I was in. I thought there was no such thing as romance, that a wife is supposed to support her husband but not expect the same in return. I thought even though the other person cheated, you are not supposed to give up and keep trying. I thought holding hands and showing affection, especially in public, was only for puppy high school love. I thought it was normal to not feel appreciated. So maybe he wasn't too good to be true after all, maybe I actually deserved someone like him.
We started dating and it was everything I had ever wanted and I was truly falling in love. Finally the day came that my divorce was final and I was free from the emotionally abusive relationship. I had moved on.
2 days after my divorce was final my ex decided he wanted to try to get back together. In my mind I thought of our daughter. I thought it would be good to have both parents, but then I realized that if I went back to him that there would be a good chance of him doing the same thing again and that I would be giving up a relationship that I have always wanted. I decided to that I would NOT give him another chance and stay in the wonderful relationship that I was already in. Of course my ex told people that I chose someone else, but that's not the case. He chose many people, and the divorce happened because of his selfishness.
It was a long road. My new love in my life was great dealing with my daughter. He was very patient with her and we did not try and force her to be around him at all. We had a hard time with her accepting everything, but it was because my ex got married 3 months after we got divorced to someone he had only known for weeks. My daughter was so upset with it, that she took it out on us, but we understood. Time went on and we kept faith that things would get better.
It would be mine and Ben's second Thanksgiving together and my daughter did not want him around. .We spent the first one apart and did not want to be apart for the second one. My family was so wonderful and talked to her. Ben was there for Thanksgiving. My daughter was not forced to be around him, she didn't have to talk to him if she didn't want to. And she didn't. Christmas time came and we did our normal Christmas eve things together without Ben. Christmas day and dinner with the family, he came over to give me presents, and my family gifts, including my daughter. He got her a pretty cool gift, a Nintendo switch, that way she could play against her cousins while she was away at college. She was happy with the gift and thanked him for it.
New Years eve we wanted to be together. My daughter again was not having it, she didn't want him there. But again my family helped talk to her. We rung in the New Year together.
My daughter went back to New York City for school and I was noticing that my energy was depleted. I started noticing that i was falling asleep at work, something I have NEVER done before. I was getting so sleepy all the time. I made an appointment with my endocrinologist right away. I was having symptoms that were worrisome and was scared that the thyroid cancer was back. I went to my appointment and he asked if there could be any chance I might be pregnant. Well, I was married before for almost 10 years and we had one miscarriage but other than that hadn't been able to get pregnant after my daughter who is 20 now. In my mind I was convinced that I wasn't able to get pregnant and the only time I was taking birth control was during my radiation therapy. Because I was convinced I was not able to get pregnant, my boyfriend and I were not using birth control. Needles to say in my mind I didn't think there was a chance that I was pregnant, but medically speaking, yes there could be a chance. He decided to check my thyroid hormone levels and do blood work to see if I was pregnant.
I got the blood work results back on the app on my phone. My thyroid stimulating hormone was at 88.12. The normal range is .4-4.0. Needless to say I didn't have any thyroid hormone in my system.
Then I checked the results for the HCG test (blood pregnancy test) and it showed that it was positive. I didn't believe it. I hadn't seen that in a long time and thought maybe there was a mistake. I called the doctor's office and asked if that meant I was pregnant, they said yes, that I was pregnant. I started crying. This was something I had wanted for so long.
I would tear myself down because I really thought I was the reason why I hadn't gotten pregnant in my marriage. I went through the worst times of my life, cancer, being in an abusive relationship, getting cheated on many times, and divorce and I was finally being given what I had always wanted. I questioned God why I was going through everything. I even lost my way from God for a little bit. But when I heard those words, that's when I knew that everything happened for a reason. I sat in shock for a little bit. I was thinking I could do something fun for when I tell Ben but I decided I could't wait. I had to tell him right away. I called him and told him I got the results. He asked what were they. I told him right away, "I am pregnant". He was in shock and started crying. It was so wonderful. We were so madly in love and now we were going to start a family together. It was a dream come true. All those moments in my life, cancer, surgeries, treatment, ptsd, tests, more surgeries, ER visits, doctors appointments, emotional abuse, being cheated on many times, insecure, divorce, depression, and financial struggles, It was all happening! God is great!!!
It was a long road. My new love in my life was great dealing with my daughter. He was very patient with her and we did not try and force her to be around him at all. We had a hard time with her accepting everything, but it was because my ex got married 3 months after we got divorced to someone he had only known for weeks. My daughter was so upset with it, that she took it out on us, but we understood. Time went on and we kept faith that things would get better.
It would be mine and Ben's second Thanksgiving together and my daughter did not want him around. .We spent the first one apart and did not want to be apart for the second one. My family was so wonderful and talked to her. Ben was there for Thanksgiving. My daughter was not forced to be around him, she didn't have to talk to him if she didn't want to. And she didn't. Christmas time came and we did our normal Christmas eve things together without Ben. Christmas day and dinner with the family, he came over to give me presents, and my family gifts, including my daughter. He got her a pretty cool gift, a Nintendo switch, that way she could play against her cousins while she was away at college. She was happy with the gift and thanked him for it.
New Years eve we wanted to be together. My daughter again was not having it, she didn't want him there. But again my family helped talk to her. We rung in the New Year together.
My daughter went back to New York City for school and I was noticing that my energy was depleted. I started noticing that i was falling asleep at work, something I have NEVER done before. I was getting so sleepy all the time. I made an appointment with my endocrinologist right away. I was having symptoms that were worrisome and was scared that the thyroid cancer was back. I went to my appointment and he asked if there could be any chance I might be pregnant. Well, I was married before for almost 10 years and we had one miscarriage but other than that hadn't been able to get pregnant after my daughter who is 20 now. In my mind I was convinced that I wasn't able to get pregnant and the only time I was taking birth control was during my radiation therapy. Because I was convinced I was not able to get pregnant, my boyfriend and I were not using birth control. Needles to say in my mind I didn't think there was a chance that I was pregnant, but medically speaking, yes there could be a chance. He decided to check my thyroid hormone levels and do blood work to see if I was pregnant.
I got the blood work results back on the app on my phone. My thyroid stimulating hormone was at 88.12. The normal range is .4-4.0. Needless to say I didn't have any thyroid hormone in my system.
Then I checked the results for the HCG test (blood pregnancy test) and it showed that it was positive. I didn't believe it. I hadn't seen that in a long time and thought maybe there was a mistake. I called the doctor's office and asked if that meant I was pregnant, they said yes, that I was pregnant. I started crying. This was something I had wanted for so long.
I would tear myself down because I really thought I was the reason why I hadn't gotten pregnant in my marriage. I went through the worst times of my life, cancer, being in an abusive relationship, getting cheated on many times, and divorce and I was finally being given what I had always wanted. I questioned God why I was going through everything. I even lost my way from God for a little bit. But when I heard those words, that's when I knew that everything happened for a reason. I sat in shock for a little bit. I was thinking I could do something fun for when I tell Ben but I decided I could't wait. I had to tell him right away. I called him and told him I got the results. He asked what were they. I told him right away, "I am pregnant". He was in shock and started crying. It was so wonderful. We were so madly in love and now we were going to start a family together. It was a dream come true. All those moments in my life, cancer, surgeries, treatment, ptsd, tests, more surgeries, ER visits, doctors appointments, emotional abuse, being cheated on many times, insecure, divorce, depression, and financial struggles, It was all happening! God is great!!!
